After taking a (misguided and boneheaded) break from daygame in autumn last year, I struggled to get back and catch momentum.
I would go out alone, but do zero approaches. Or I would go out with wings from some Whatsapp group and approach, but I would feel weird about it and get weird responses from the girls. Or I would finally catch a little bit of momentum, but then also catch a nasty flu or the holidays would interrupt me again.
After some introspection, I determined, that one of the main problems was, that when I went out alone or when I had a guy in my group who I ultimately clocked as a weirdo, daygame wouldn’t feel normal to me.
So one sunny but cold sunday in January I decided to recruit a wing/ friend, who was an avid daygamer but stopped,because he is in a committed relationship now. Being the cool friend that he is, he decided to come along for a session nevertheless.
One of the interesting things of going out again with him, was that he pushed me into sets with girls, that seemed too plain looking for me at first glance, but which I upgraded once I was actually in set with them and had the chance to check them out up close.
I think this was in of the lessons, I should take from this, that I should approach more girls even if they seem a bit plain looking from far and if I cannot come up with an assumption/ observation/ tease straightaway.
When we were already on the last leg of our little tour around the city center, a tall, leggy blonde walked past us, not without taking a clear glance at us first.
At first I didnt want to approach her, because a) she looked like a 6 to me (which is not a problem in itself) and b) more importantly she looked a bit like a plain jane to me, and I thought I won’t be able to make an assumption about her and I won’t connect with her. But since my friend had made an effort, I couldn’t chicken out and ran after her.
The set itself was rather unremarkable, I didn’t do anything special. Just two things stuck out: 1) seeing her up close I upgraded her to a 7 and 2) I had to do most of the talking, because she seemed very reserved and unsure about what was happening, but at the same time she wouldn’t leave and gave no signs that she wanted to.
I found out that she was relatively new in town, came here for work, didn’t have a lot of friends in town and went out alone taking a walk this Sunday, because she had been sick and now was happy to get out of the house again (“estrus alarm” I thought to myself).
So I took her number, messaged her the same evening, established a chat, but didn’t request a date yet, because I didn’t want to seem to eager.
What was interesting, was what happened next, because two days later she messaged me again and said something along the lines:
“You made me curious, what do you actually do for work and how old are you?”
This was both good and bad. Good, because clearly she was interested. Bad, because she asked for my age and since I had estimated her to be something like 28 (I’m late 30ies) it made me freak out a little, because I’m pretty sure, that last year I lost at least 4-5 girls who were strongly interested at first, but flaked after finding out about my age, with some of them even citing age as a problem. Of couse we all know, that an age difference is not a problem, if you frame yourself as the lover, but I find, that at the very least, it reduces the number of errors you can make with a particular girls, in some cases even to zero.
So I tried to do preemptive damage control in my reply and made her guess first (be a challenge to the girl and make her work), by writing:
“Happy to tell you both, but first you have to guess. Let’s see how good you are”
She gave some very vague answer, but guessed my much younger though (good). So trying to frame myself as the lover I wrote back:
“I’m a [my job] and I’m actually [my age] years old. But for some reason I usually date younger girls. Doesn’t have so much to do with looks, it’s more that a lot of women my age are not that feminine.”
And then, as if it were an afterthought, I added in a 2nd message:
“Well and it also has a little to do with sex tbh.”
She replied a little bit later and revealed that her actual age is closer to mine than I had originally guessed. And then another 20 minutes later she cited my 2nd message and asked:
“Why? Is sex so special with you?”
I took this as a mild shit test, but mostly it showed she was hooked now. Again framing myself as the lover, I replied:
“Well, according to the last girl I’ve been with I’m “incredible” [true btw, except it wasn’t the very last girl], but that’s not what I meant. It’s more, that women my age can be very closed minded in bed. But anyway bla bla bla…”
After a 1-2 more message back and forth, I decided to do the date request and this is where I almost fucked up and had to be nudged by her once or twice, first on the time and date and 2nd on the location.
First option I gave her, was an evening during the week, 2nd option was Saturday afternoon. Instead she proposed Saturday evening (very good sign). We settled on the date and left the location open until later in the week and the whole time I was struggling in my head, what to propose and what kind of date I should set up.
Trouble was, that we both lived on opposite sides of the city with very few “cool” bars in each part. Also I was planning to party Friday night and was set to come home very late and wasn’t sure, if I would have the energy for a proper date with proper escalation. So finally I decided, I would do a Magnum style 1st date and proposed a location in the city center. Had this been the final location going back to mine or to hers would’ve been pretty hard, but things turned out differently, because she replied:
“Sounds fine. I would have proposed location x [with x being a bar pretty close to me], but yours sounds good too.”
Ok, this was too obvious and I decided then and there, that I would cancel the original location proposal on Saturday and ask her to come instead to the bar close to me, under the pretense of having overslept from the night before and running out of time. So I did and she agreed without hesitation. And this btw. was probably the biggest takeaway for me: I now know, that I can invite girls to bars pretty close to me, even if they are not the coolest places in town.
So Saturday came around and I was still a bit unsure, of what to make of her. There was still the possibility of her being a plane Jane, who’s come out to check me out as a potential boyfriend.
However this reading of her vanished, in the first location, when she revealed two big sleeve tattoos. As soon as I saw the tattoos I high-fived myself in my mind and it was clear to me now, that this girl wasn’t a plain Jane looking for a boyfriend. Instead she was maybe a little shy and introverted, but a potentially pretty kinky girl.
The date was a breeze and funnily partying the night before definitely helped me, because still being in a good mood I was much chattier than I usually am and also because of the hangover, I had a genuine “Idgaf”-attitude.
There is not much to report on the date. Once I had this mindshift about her I escalated verbally and physically pretty fast and although she kept her somewhat demure behaviour, she took the escalation very well.
I think there are only two moments during the date about which I can slap myself on the back a little:
1) When we went to the 2nd location, which was more of a restaurant with tables then a bar, she first sat across the table. So I said: “I don’t like this, this is not a job interview, come sit beside me“. She smiled, as if she had hoped for me to say something like this and sat down besides me.
2) The kiss: I had thrown into the conversation some of the verbal escalations you can find someone like Magnum or Krauser talk about. One of the questions was:
“Is there any part of your body you like best, you think is pretty sexy?”
She replied with something that could be interpreted as a very mild shit-test
“No, I’m not a narcissist”
Me: “Has nothing to do with that. Just with being confident and knowing yourself well. For example, you have very sensual lips.”
Her: “Someone has said this before to me.”
Me: “Well, it’s true. They are like Sophie Loren lips… I like them…Do you like my lips?”
Coy smile from her: yes
Ok, time to pull the trigger. I put my hand on the back of her head, moved her to me and kissed her. She was well into it.
I pulled back and critiqued with a grin on my face: “not bad. 6/10.”
She scoffed and smiled at the same time.
Maybe 15 minutes and another kiss later (this time critiqued by me as: “8/10″), I suggested to go to another place, “which has a great red wine“. She agreed, we packed our stuff, paid the bill, went to my car, were back at my place 10 minutes later and engaged in sweet and sexy love-making maybe another 15-20 minutes later. Time from bar to bedroom maybe 3 hours max.
She turned out to be indeed super-kinky and I have seen her a few more times since then.
As indicated in the title, there isn’t too much to learn from this one, main takeaways I already mentioned. It was a question of right girl, right time, having a bit of a connection with her and the only challenge was too not fuck it up (which I almost did, lol).
In fact, when I asked her on the first date, after the 1st round in the hay “when did you knew we were going to have sex“, she replied “oh I always had a feeling it would end like this“…and then as if she had catched herself saying something a little bit too red-pill, she added: “but it just happened, you cannot plan something like this“.
Having just rewatched Groundhog day a couple of days earlier, I had to bite my tounge because I was tempted to quote Bill Murray’s character in it: “Well, you can, it just takes a lot of work“.