Direct rejection: no problem. Not texting back: hell

I hate being in limbo, like Schrödinger’s cat, waiting hours, days for the girl to text me back. The unvertainty, not knowing if it’s on or off, having this thing in the back of my mind, not being able to focus on other things, not being able to move on.

Just outright reject me, girl. No problem, doesn’t trouble me at all and at least I can move on. Don’t make me send 1-2 additonal messages to confirm.

Solutions:

  • Do more approaches, have more leads -> abundance.
  • Don’t keep your schedule clear for the girl, plan other things, first come first serve.
  • Meditate, chill, turn off the phone.

One reason I feel shitty when using Tinder

Looking at it from a dopamine perspective, Tinder combines two extremes.

1) On the one hand it promises one of the highest rewards possible (sex), and 2) on the other hand it’s a constant stream of disappointment (no matches), frustrations and ego blows (chicks not texting back, chicks being rude, harsh rejections).

(1) constantly spikes your dopamine, while (2) means that not only is this dopamine spike not followed by a reward in serotonin, it’s even worse and instead followed by harsh negative emotions.

Hence you feel constantly uneasy whilst using Tinder.

Ergo: Tinder sucks, is not for me.

A gift from the daygame gods

After taking a (misguided and boneheaded) break from daygame in autumn last year, I struggled to get back and catch momentum.

I would go out alone, but do zero approaches. Or I would go out with wings from some Whatsapp group and approach, but I would feel weird about it and get weird responses from the girls. Or I would finally catch a little bit of momentum, but then also catch a nasty flu or the holidays would interrupt me again.

After some introspection, I determined, that one of the main problems was, that when I went out alone or when I had a guy in my group who I ultimately clocked as a weirdo, daygame wouldn’t feel normal to me.

So one sunny but cold sunday in January I decided to recruit a wing/ friend, who was an avid daygamer but stopped,because he is in a committed relationship now. Being the cool friend that he is, he decided to come along for a session nevertheless.

One of the interesting things of going out again with him, was that he pushed me into sets with girls, that seemed too plain looking for me at first glance, but which I upgraded once I was actually in set with them and had the chance to check them out up close.

I think this was in of the lessons, I should take from this, that I should approach more girls even if they seem a bit plain looking from far and if I cannot come up with an assumption/ observation/ tease straightaway.

When we were already on the last leg of our little tour around the city center, a tall, leggy blonde walked past us, not without taking a clear glance at us first.

At first I didnt want to approach her, because a) she looked like a 6 to me (which is not a problem in itself) and b) more importantly she looked a bit like a plain jane to me, and I thought I won’t be able to make an assumption about her and I won’t connect with her. But since my friend had made an effort, I couldn’t chicken out and ran after her.

The set itself was rather unremarkable, I didn’t do anything special. Just two things stuck out: 1) seeing her up close I upgraded her to a 7 and 2) I had to do most of the talking, because she seemed very reserved and unsure about what was happening, but at the same time she wouldn’t leave and gave no signs that she wanted to.

I found out that she was relatively new in town, came here for work, didn’t have a lot of friends in town and went out alone taking a walk this Sunday, because she had been sick and now was happy to get out of the house again (“estrus alarm” I thought to myself).

So I took her number, messaged her the same evening, established a chat, but didn’t request a date yet, because I didn’t want to seem to eager.

What was interesting, was what happened next, because two days later she messaged me again and said something along the lines:

“You made me curious, what do you actually do for work and how old are you?”

This was both good and bad. Good, because clearly she was interested. Bad, because she asked for my age and since I had estimated her to be something like 28 (I’m late 30ies) it made me freak out a little, because I’m pretty sure, that last year I lost at least 4-5 girls who were strongly interested at first, but flaked after finding out about my age, with some of them even citing age as a problem. Of couse we all know, that an age difference is not a problem, if you frame yourself as the lover, but I find, that at the very least, it reduces the number of errors you can make with a particular girls, in some cases even to zero.

So I tried to do preemptive damage control in my reply and made her guess first (be a challenge to the girl and make her work), by writing:

“Happy to tell you both, but first you have to guess. Let’s see how good you are”

She gave some very vague answer, but guessed my much younger though (good). So trying to frame myself as the lover I wrote back:

“I’m a [my job] and I’m actually [my age] years old. But for some reason I usually date younger girls. Doesn’t have so much to do with looks, it’s more that a lot of women my age are not that feminine.”

And then, as if it were an afterthought, I added in a 2nd message:

Well and it also has a little to do with sex tbh.

She replied a little bit later and revealed that her actual age is closer to mine than I had originally guessed. And then another 20 minutes later she cited my 2nd message and asked:

“Why? Is sex so special with you?”

I took this as a mild shit test, but mostly it showed she was hooked now. Again framing myself as the lover, I replied:

“Well, according to the last girl I’ve been with I’m “incredible” [true btw, except it wasn’t the very last girl], but that’s not what I meant. It’s more, that women my age can be very closed minded in bed. But anyway bla bla bla…”

After a 1-2 more message back and forth, I decided to do the date request and this is where I almost fucked up and had to be nudged by her once or twice, first on the time and date and 2nd on the location.

First option I gave her, was an evening during the week, 2nd option was Saturday afternoon. Instead she proposed Saturday evening (very good sign). We settled on the date and left the location open until later in the week and the whole time I was struggling in my head, what to propose and what kind of date I should set up.

Trouble was, that we both lived on opposite sides of the city with very few “cool” bars in each part. Also I was planning to party Friday night and was set to come home very late and wasn’t sure, if I would have the energy for a proper date with proper escalation. So finally I decided, I would do a Magnum style 1st date and proposed a location in the city center. Had this been the final location going back to mine or to hers would’ve been pretty hard, but things turned out differently, because she replied:

“Sounds fine. I would have proposed location x [with x being a bar pretty close to me], but yours sounds good too.”

Ok, this was too obvious and I decided then and there, that I would cancel the original location proposal on Saturday and ask her to come instead to the bar close to me, under the pretense of having overslept from the night before and running out of time. So I did and she agreed without hesitation. And this btw. was probably the biggest takeaway for me: I now know, that I can invite girls to bars pretty close to me, even if they are not the coolest places in town.

So Saturday came around and I was still a bit unsure, of what to make of her. There was still the possibility of her being a plane Jane, who’s come out to check me out as a potential boyfriend.

However this reading of her vanished, in the first location, when she revealed two big sleeve tattoos. As soon as I saw the tattoos I high-fived myself in my mind and it was clear to me now, that this girl wasn’t a plain Jane looking for a boyfriend. Instead she was maybe a little shy and introverted, but a potentially pretty kinky girl.

The date was a breeze and funnily partying the night before definitely helped me, because still being in a good mood I was much chattier than I usually am and also because of the hangover, I had a genuine “Idgaf”-attitude.

There is not much to report on the date. Once I had this mindshift about her I escalated verbally and physically pretty fast and although she kept her somewhat demure behaviour, she took the escalation very well.

I think there are only two moments during the date about which I can slap myself on the back a little:

1) When we went to the 2nd location, which was more of a restaurant with tables then a bar, she first sat across the table. So I said: “I don’t like this, this is not a job interview, come sit beside me“. She smiled, as if she had hoped for me to say something like this and sat down besides me.

2) The kiss: I had thrown into the conversation some of the verbal escalations you can find someone like Magnum or Krauser talk about. One of the questions was:

Is there any part of your body you like best, you think is pretty sexy?”

She replied with something that could be interpreted as a very mild shit-test

No, I’m not a narcissist

Me: “Has nothing to do with that. Just with being confident and knowing yourself well. For example, you have very sensual lips.”

Her: “Someone has said this before to me.”

Me: “Well, it’s true. They are like Sophie Loren lips… I like them…Do you like my lips?”

Coy smile from her: yes

Ok, time to pull the trigger. I put my hand on the back of her head, moved her to me and kissed her. She was well into it.

I pulled back and critiqued with a grin on my face: “not bad. 6/10.”

She scoffed and smiled at the same time.

Maybe 15 minutes and another kiss later (this time critiqued by me as: “8/10″), I suggested to go to another place, “which has a great red wine“. She agreed, we packed our stuff, paid the bill, went to my car, were back at my place 10 minutes later and engaged in sweet and sexy love-making maybe another 15-20 minutes later. Time from bar to bedroom maybe 3 hours max.

She turned out to be indeed super-kinky and I have seen her a few more times since then.

As indicated in the title, there isn’t too much to learn from this one, main takeaways I already mentioned. It was a question of right girl, right time, having a bit of a connection with her and the only challenge was too not fuck it up (which I almost did, lol).

In fact, when I asked her on the first date, after the 1st round in the hay “when did you knew we were going to have sex“, she replied “oh I always had a feeling it would end like this“…and then as if she had catched herself saying something a little bit too red-pill, she added: “but it just happened, you cannot plan something like this“.

Having just rewatched Groundhog day a couple of days earlier, I had to bite my tounge because I was tempted to quote Bill Murray’s character in it: “Well, you can, it just takes a lot of work“.

Stats 2020: 95x approaches, 11x #, 1 insta, 2x 1st dates, 1 lay

Goal 2020: Daygaming once a week

01.08 2×, 1×# (Catherine)

21.07: 4×, 1x # sina. I’m too nice, I need to do more qualification in set.

18.07: 1×, 1× # Lisbeth, likely too flake. I didn’t tell her enough about myself, didnt make it solid enough. I also didnt find a reason to get her number besides being attractive. Positive: alltags-approach. She was pushing to leave 2-3 times, I kept her and managed to wrangle her number of her, plus I made sure she typed in the right number.

17.07: 2×. getting sick of the city center again, especially when its warm. Too crowded, too much low life

12.07: 2×, 1×# (Isabell)

09.07″ 1×

03.07: 7×, 1×# (Nadine)

30.06: 4×

23.06: 3× 1×# (Benthe)

21.06: 5×

13.06: 1×

12.06: 1×

09.06: 4×, 1× # (Justina). 1st set – she seemed really flattered, but had to go. I should’ve ask her how long her meeting goes and said “ok, lets meet afterwards I want to talk to you for 5 minutes”

06.06.: 3× Saturdays suck, forget gaming after 13:30, too crowded etc.

31.05: 2× This was seriously the absolute last time I go gaming with weirdos from Whatsapp groups

26.05: 1st date Tatiana – stop paying for the drinks, idiot.

1× hannah. She was flattered, but no interest

14.05: 2×, #Tatijana

11.03″ 2×

06.03: 4×, #Alina

02.03: 7× Need to stop going out with wings I don’t really click with

21.02. : 5× Should start recording my approaches, maybe my open is too weak, I get the same “thanks, thats nice but I must go/ I have a boyfriend/ Im not interested”-reactions again and again

20.02.: 2×

15.02: 6/10

09.02: 2×. Should’ve idated the blonde one, despite her living in another town, her cheeks getting red was a clear sign that she was attracted

08.02: 1× nightgame indirect approach. 4× to go this week

07.02: 5× – Make the complete full frontal stop, kapische?! Otherwise she’ll keep on walking

02.02.: 2×, 1x # (ana)

01.02: 4×

30.01: 2× just make the goddamn first approach fast, even if the situation is not perfect. I need to get the 1st approach out if my system asap, otherwise the aa will build up fast, no matter how confident I started out

24.01: 3× Daygaming saturdays sucks!

24.01: 1x

19.01.: 5x, #Miriam, insta vera

16.01: 5x

Cajun on Body language

The absolute best example of sexual presence I could find was Jim Morrison simply because he elicited tremendous sexual presence by doing very little… He moved slowly, purposefully, as if to poeticize his presence. Everything seemed so calculated.

After referencing what he did with a number of other sexual icons, I quickly made a list:

Advanced body language – Sexual Presence

  1. Less is more.

– Move only when you need to, and react with delay.

– Slow down your movements, as if moving underwater.

– Movement should be bold, sporadic and purposeful.

2. Poeticize your presence.

– Absolutely believe that you are a spectacle to be witnessed.

– Draw attention to your every move with strong eye contact, and delayed responses.

– Always appear physically more comfortable than anyone else in the group. Lean back when standing, angle back and drape your arms when sitting.

– Your demeanor should be carefree, content; you do not want or need anything.

3. Emphasize your sexuality

Slightly tilt your head up and look down when speaking.

– Slowly study women’s faces during interaction, glance at lips periodically.

– Keep an inquisitory look of mild arousal on your face”

Holiday getaway with N.

I still like her a lot. When she came down the stairs to greet me, I was struck and reminded again how cute she is.

I was also frequently frustated with her on this trip, because she is showing clear signs of becoming too comfortable with me and less eager to please me sexually:

  1. She put on weight and though her curves hide it a bit, it was clearly visible.
  2. She didn’t bring any lingerie on this trip or the choker. She didn’t even bring the black stockings, although I asked her to, before the trip. So we had to buy them together on the trip. What she instead brought with her and wore all the time was a completely unsexy night gown, something which my mother would wear. It’s really hilarious how much girls confirm the stereotype, that the sexy underwear is gone as soon as they get comfortable with a guy.
  3. She was reluctant to give me blowjobs and swallow, despite the fact that it had never been a problem with her in the past. She was never really good at giving head, giving her lack of sexual experience, but this trip she really regressed.

So on our last morning, when we lay together (I had just f*ked her pretty hard and to her utmost pleasure using a position I learned from watching Rocco porn movies – so I guess porn can have some positives), and when I was just about to tell her all this, I had a realization:

  • Instead of (just) complaining about this to a girl, it’s really up to the player to train his girl correctly, for example for me to train her to give me blowjobs every morning without receiving anything in return.

So instead of complaining to her I just made her stroke me and go down on me. This time she did a better job and seemed more into it. If it actually was because I acted more determined about it, or because it was our last morning or because I was a bit cold the night before, after she again was not really eager to please me, I don’t know.

Still, despite the fact that I didn’t came (it was just too shortly after our previous round for me), it ended the sex on this trip a positive note for me.

So we did not talk about sex (but if we see each other again, I will bring it up beforehand), but I asked her, what her idea is where it will be going between the two of us, giving that we both live in very far away countries. I also redpilled her a little bit about women thinking they can waste their twenties and then hope to find Mr. Right in their thirties.

This may ultimately backfire, because a) I showed her my cards and showed her that I like her, thus removing some of the dread and uncertainty she may have felt about me. I told her truthfully though, that I don’t know myself what my plans for our relationship are.

b) Applying a redpill view she might actually decide, that our relationship is not feasible and not be up for future holiday trips.

I knew in advance the downsides of speaking to her about this and for a moment, I thought about just being an asshole about it and string her along as long as I can for sex. I have a tendency to do what is best for others and thereby not doing what is best for me, but ultimately I didn’t like the thought of breaking her heart and just wasting her time.

The decision to talk to her about it was partly prompted, by our first night on this trip, when, after sex, she opened up to me in a way she didn’t do before. She really touched me and I realized that she is still a very sweet and relatively innocent girl and making false promises to her or just keeping up a pretense, is not right.

I have a feeling I will be seeing her again next year in spring, so I really need to get my shit together and figure out what to do with her until then.

Game hiatus, regressing in game & life, lessons learned

I took a break from game for about 3-4 weeks for various reasons:

  • I neglected work for a while and had to buckle up and get some shit done. It was actually cool to get my mojo back at work a little bit and interested in my job again. So that’s a positive.
  • My hair loss started again, making my hairline visibly thinner and and I felt very self-concious about it, lacked confidence and was even a bit depressed, because I know how much my game, unfortunately, relies on my looks and how much girls like my hair.
  • I plateaued in my game and was becoming frustated. I was getting numbers and multiple 1st and a few 2nd dates, but I wasn’t getting amywhere with these girls. Why that was is a completely different posts, but as one of the reason I determined that the girls were too hot for me or in other words: my SMV was too low.
  • Which brings me to my next point: I had the idea of taking a break and working on my SMV and getting some, pretty basic tbh, shit done (and gaming was getting in the way of that).

What happened instead, is that I regressed massively and re-developed some pretty bad habits like staying up late or wasting a ton of time on the internet, all of which probably decreased my SMV, instead of improving it.

It made me realize again that, unfortunately I am not a very intrinsically motivated person. That is not good, but I guess it is what it is and I just need to constantly have the carrot dangled in front of me (i.e. the prospect of sleeping with hot girls) to keep me motivated and keep me from regressing.

I also completely regressed in game or at least regarding AA. When I was out with C. to get back into the game earlier than planned I couldn’t muster one approach.

I also realized again, how healthy game is for me not just in terms of motivating me, but also for my overall mood. I feel like during the break, old gamma habits were coming through again and I started living much more inside my head again.

There is just something very healthy and manly about game/ cold approach and pushing past your AA every day (week at least) and getting into the habit of striking up conversations with strangers/ girls. And although it’s a huge dopamine rush and emotional rollercoaster, there is also something calming about it, in the sense that I get out of my head and become much more present.

As I have said many times to my wings, this rush, it reminds me of Jeff Bridges’ character in the movie Fearless and the rush he gets from being in dangerous situations.

And maybe the testostoron push from speaking to hot girls is also relevant for the mental health aspect of running game.

Long story short and lessons learned:

  • Gaming and cold approach are really good for me, in fact, it’s probably the best thing i’ve done this year.
  • Next time I reach a barrier I just need to keep the fuck on pushing and
  • I have to build my SMV at the same time. Pausing game to build my SMV does not work for me, unfortunately.

1st date with Ma.

It was ok, mixed bag. Just goes to show how much is determined by the venue.

Also I had the feeling her feelings changed (negatively), because I paid the bill.

At the end she was kinda hinting/ seeding stuff to do for a 2nd date, but I didnt want to jump on it, I guess because I felt a ping of hurt proud, because she rejected the kiss.

I think I was again too needy, at least in the 2nd venue, the tables had turned and I was chasing. Should’ve qualified her more.

Also the kiss attempt was kind of a halleluja, out of nowhere move, but ok, at least I tried.

This is the 2nd time on recent dates though, where my kiss attempt was rebuffed with “we are not there yet”, despite the fact that both girls seemed to fancy me.

Edit: actually it was the 3rd date, same dynamic with P.

Im wondering if all this sex talk and talking about some of my affairs isn’t making the girls go harder on me, because they think I’m a player and they don’t want to seem easy. Granted, I’ve done the sex talk wrong so far, because the girls themselves didn’t actually share a lot of stories (doh!).

Maybe it doesn’t really work with k-selected girls?

Which leads me to an alternative explanation: since both girls were highly k-selected (or so it seemed), maybe they made me wait because they didn’t deem my SMV high enough. Which would be the much harder problem to solve.

I guess Ma.-s further behaviour will give me an indication, which explanation is the better one.

Positives:

In the 1st 5 minutes, I was panicking and thinking, oh shit, she is a Tussi, no way, this is going to work out. But the chemistry wasn’t bad and the conversation flowed well. Just goes to show, that looks can be deceiving, and yes, sometimes there is more than meets the eye.

Sidenote: why the fuck did I feel obliged to give a tip to the waitress? The service sucked balls.

–> I’m still too nice, that’s why.

Daygame rollercoaster in full effect (insta date with AJDK, thoughts about Magnum’s model)

So on the same day, that I get flaked on by K. & S. I have this great instant date with AJDK.

I kinda fucked up the models I was applying though, I crossed the streams.

On the one hand I did  Magnum’s takeaway move of not kissing her. On the other hand, I hinted at it and because it was an instant date, I had to take her number at the end of the date anyway. + I also discussed schedules for a next date with her at the end.

Once I was back home, i realized, that there were a lot of amber lights (a few at least) and I could’ve tried to escalate on those, pushing for the sdl.

Biggest amber lights example: she remained distant, but was super comfortable with me touching her. There were one or two moments during the date, where it would’ve been natural to go for the kiss. And she took it well, when I mentioned looking at her lips.

Biggest thing I missed though: when we were getting ready to leave the venue, she excused herself to the bathroom and stayed a long time in there. Either she was taking a dump, lol, or she was freshing herself up, getting herself ready to be kissed (or more?).

When we walked back to the station, I noticed her cheeks were flushed (could’ve been the wine though and maybe I just noticed it because of the light). Also she seemed more agreeable when we walked back.

We stopped at my station and in hindsight I’m pretty sure, she was expecting (hoping?) for me to kiss her at this point. She also mentioned something, that it would’ve been nice for me to walk a bit longer with her.

Problem here: I was dulled and not sharp enough. I need to be aware, that girl’s mood can swing drastically and then I need to react accordingly and also change my course.

Which leads me to think: is Magnum’s key move of not going for the kiss on the 1st date in order to not trigger ASD for the 2nd date, the right thing for me right now?

It takes a really experienced player I think, to realize when this is the correct move and when one should escalate on the 1st date*.

But I’m not there yet and maybe I should make my default move to always escalate (including escalating on amber lights) and always lean more on the aggressive side. I’m too nice anyway. –> i.e. I think I need to go through the “redlining and crashing the car”-phase in order for me to develop the instincts and calibration to know when it is approbiate to escalate on the 1st date.

On the bright side: her comment/ joke at the end, about me needing to differentiate her name in my adress book, because of the many other girls in there, shows that I somewhat succeeded in framing myself as the lover –> good.

* Another thing which makes it harder for me to apply his model: Im operating in less harsh (girls are more k-selected and need more comfort) and in more slow moving dating environments and sex on the 1st or 2nd date is not that common. Could be my wishful beta-thinking though and maybe that’s not actually true.